No one else has this power.
Maybe it’s a gift,
Maybe it’s a curse.
I don’t know what it is.
Just know that the feeling of wanting to die is not wanted by anyone else.
Can it be that I am the only one.
If so, I really need a sign of the end.
Or if there is an end, I need to know when it’s going to be.
Wanting to kill myself only brings the efforts of what this power is closer to its purpose.
There is a possibility that killing myself would only elongate this gift or power.
So the decision has been made, killing myself is not the answer.
If there is an answer to this, it wont show itself.

cute.
my hearts love.
my missing smile.
a light when I need it.
resolution to any issue.
my other half.
meant for me.
my life.

a shining star.
a warm October.
no more no less than what I would ever want you to be.
my inhibition.
fireworks in my head.
the only thing keeping me alive.
as if Tina Turner first steps on the stage.
the sense in me.

the hope I’ve been waiting for.
the good that stops the bad.
the funny that no one else can be.
who I call to hear I Love You.
the only thing I will ever need.
the humor that’s inside me.
the musical instrument I will always play with.
FOREVER MY GC

Standing there watching her go
Knowing you could not do anything to prevent it
Knowing that if you had the power to change it you would
Feeling as though you were in a horrible dream
That it could not have gotten any worst
When you were told that she was coding
Knowing you would have to put your self together and keep it cool
Going through this alone is like being killed by Jack the ripper 100 times
People not understanding that grief for me is like a sheet of film falling from above and slowing things down
So the trauma can slowly seep inside my head and never leave
Maybe if I had made a deal with heaven to keep her here
Drama after the trauma is like a rollercoaster of problems one after another
She is in heaven right now
That I know

 
In memory of anyone you know who has been struck down

by cancer or is still living with it.

                                              Please Pray



Please take at least 10 minutes of your time where ever you are or whatever you are doing and stop to be silent for those who’ve been silenced them selves. These minutes are not a requirement to take, but no matter where you are. Stop to be silent for how ever long you think you should for those who’ve been silenced by cancer. This is not just for the memory of those who’ve been silenced by cancer, but also for the ones who continue the fight against it. For those who’ve silenced by cancer and taken from us, please think of things you can be doing to remember the good times they had on this planet. Because I am sure and know that they would be doing the same if you were gone. NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE PAIN. Keep running them gears for those fighting the fight. Keep the lights bright for those who’ve been slain.
These times are not the END, thread through the paperwork. Get it done any way you can, and vanish this cancer out of this world.

PS: please comment on any life experience you have as either a survivor or a family member of whom ever has passed. This is specially dedicated to a very good friend of mine whom I missed a great opportunity to have tea with, and I am sure that her daughter would understand what I mean when I say that.

Grabed from behind like some kind of fiend.
Twisted arms so that escape was futile.
Onto the wall both bodies went.
Luck bones are strong as titanium.
Too bad no evidence is left.
An attempt at a scream is not possible.
The knife on the throat was a real classic.
Will to fight was not there.
Could have been something related to the mind.
Will never be shown.
Felt like I was watching what was happening.
Along with the words I heard.
'You fucking piece of shit'
Probably the only words I remember.
Recalling what happened after is blank.
Everytime I try, I lose more time.
Felt like it wasnt me who that was done to.
Like a dream but with the pain.
Explaining that needed a cover up.
Decided was best to have it kept short.
The unexplained is the self-explanatory.
If the shortness of the breath feeling
the knife on the neck,
knowing if spoken would be killed.
Could have turned around and kicked and killed.
Then it would really seem like a monsters ball.
Wishing a sweet fix for this memory would show it self.
'Was it good'
Considering the size of the cock that was felt and forgotten...
Then no, not even in the slightest.

by Andre

Have you swallowed me. I am there for you.
No one else makes you feel like I do.
I am.
The drug that you vomit on occasion.
I pressure you into thinking they can’t hurt you anymore.
I reassure you that you wont hurt your self.
I know your hurting when you are sober.
Just dwell up inside me and enjoy the way I flow into you.
Come back to the flask.
That little dry flask that has all your dreams.
Take more than you should because that’s what Dr. Deals demands.
Have I made you leave your happy home yet.
Have you decided its better in the flask than sober.
You got a hard on for me every time don't you.
Take me deep into your mindless thoughts.
Then and only then when you are dead you will realize…
that at least now there is no pain without drugs.

by Andre

If the problems LIEs with the ducks and not the fucks.
Ducks have fallen upwards from the heavy oil.
Strings of feathers line the walls below the line caused by the downwards flood.
Breaking walls are signs of strained levels of nothingness.
Results from tests come back to people who read instead of process thought.
Enjoying cash flows in a base economy.
Read the report.
Understand it.
A consideration has been made due to individuality of understanding the report that is the main payroll of many smiling cameras on important times.
The hole caused by lowered expectations of a strained economy has risen the broken walls once again that had fallen in the upwards ducks faith.
The oil glue does effects to keep itself clean and wanted my many who have a human not so intellect.
The elected were to protect our precious.
Yet dying are our precious. Nothing left of the ducks now.
Its freedom time yet the clock for that simple cheap way is always blocked.

by Andre

The things that we have to live by…
Why be this, why be that…
Some things are nothing to be told,
and everything to be hidden…
Live for your self, live for no one else…
Don’t trust people who don’t love you…
Love the people that you trust…
Why should you live for someone else.

by Andre

Secrets are such sweet sorrows…
Sweetness of a secret will
tender the heart of any…
Sorrows of a secret will make
any heart insane…
At some point a secret is not
always a secret…
It becomes a cloth in the back
of the closet…
Never to be talked about…
At another point a secret sometimes
becomes happiness at all,
but only for a short time…
Then it becomes just another issue
to deal with now and then.

by Andre

It’s me who was born.
It’s me who played around in the park.
It’s me who you raised,
and yet I thought past was important.
It’s me who kept quiet.
It’s me who never spoke out.
It’s me who you though was shy,
and yet I grew up with a
mind of a researcher.
It’s me who had gotten hurt.
It’s me who felt the pain.
It’s me who you had never seen or
heard of my suffering,
and yet I survived my so called life!

by Andre

How long do I have to live?
How long am I going to suffer
in this hell of mine?
How long can I keep living in a secre
’cause these SOBs wont
let me live my life the way I want to?
How long do I have to stay in the
corner screaming in pain?
They say I’m always in trouble…
Some say I’m a troubled boy.
Screw them all for their
judgmental minds!
They say that I have to follow
their beliefs.
But I say…
I have one of my own…
It’s called life…
You’ve got to be in my shoes
to understand it.
Some say I’m selfish…
Some say I’m a SOB…
I say “Thank you”,
for both such nice compliments!
My body has left and I will
not leave with it!!!
How much more can I survive through?
The system has screwed me,
and now I’m screwing them!

by Andre

I ain’t never wanted ya!
I ain’t never needed ya!
Don’t bother to care.
I make your body weak when you dream!
Read me, Don’t judge me!
Defend me, Don’t prosecute me!
Feel my pain and it shall make
you see my suffering!
You’re blinded by ignorance!
Follow your own instincts,
not what others fear!
I make you feel like shit when I
ignore your stabbing words!
Information is Power…
and you have none!
Power is knowledge…
and you have none!
Knowledge is Experience…
and I have definitely surpassed yours.
I’m your worst Nightmare!
You waste my time when you ask me to fight!
On the outside, they see you
as a strong opinionating person…
Around the inside…
I can smell the Stench in front of my eyes!
I have plans for the future.
!!!Do Ya!!!

by Andre

I shall once more creep out of
my coffin and hunch again…
I shall feel the running fluid
once more in my body…
I shall seduce any victim with
all types of sexual tastes…
I shall show them lust as
they’ve never felt before…
I shall come into the 90’s and say,
I will terrify you with my lips
and pull and tug all over your body.

by Andre

The more fun you have,
the more horror you’ll find…
The older you get, the more scared you are…
While time passes, you start feeling the pain…
When you discover the world,
you may uncover the nightmares…
While life seems simple,
the harder it is to speak out…
While you seem you want to scream,
they seem to want out…
When you seem to hear them scream,
they seem to want you out…
When the neighbors think you’re strange,
they’ll never know your pain…
When you feel the rope in your hands,
the neighbors feel the quietness in the room…
They awake at strange sounds of dangling things…
The more they try to feel your pain in tears…
The more you feel free with the promise of happiness.

by Andre

I have something to tell you…
I have to leave without regret.
I hate my self for living… But,
That’s not why my heart is broken.
I’ll be proud of packing my things.
Past and present are the same,
they just have different dates and directions.
The future is now,
but I need my freedom.
I feel no pity for leaving.
Though my life will never forget these things.
These things will never forget me.
You have to face things that happen with time.
Sometimes you thing of capturing moments in glass,
Eventually it will break and you
will forget those moments.
Life is full of lessons,
they have to be learned in time,
And before I forget what I have to tell you.
You wont forget that this is my freedom!!!

by Andre

Suddenly awaken at 5 am…
By the voices of my
father and his mother…
Quickly started to fake being asleep…
To see what he looked like…
It was too dark and the
sun was just rising…
Laying on the floor,
he didn’t even look or say anything…
Picked up some change off the cabinet…
I started to get sleepy again…
Then he left again out of my life!

by Andre

I have lived my life for other,
I thought that my friends were friends,
I never understood the way my mind works my  personalities would confuse you,
I never said “Thank You” when I should’ve said it,
I gave you the wrong impression about me,
I kicked you out of my life,
I can change faster than you can,
my decisions hurt your thought and feelings,
I always though of what people think of me,
I deserted you when you needed me,
I was never really into this moving around thing,
I never realized that you were never really there,
I shaded my thoughts so that you would think I’m fine,
I objected my self to you,
I never really told you who I was,
I protected my life against the things that I hate,
I’m sorry… Oh so sorry…
For just being me!

by Andre

Was that I liked you as a friend!
Was that I trusted you with my words!
Was that I opened my life to you!
The you broke me like a twig when you screwed me!

by Andre

ROSWELL – New Mexico State Police have identified five members of an extended family and a Clovis woman killed in a head-on crash west of Roswell.
State Police spokesman Peter Olson says a grandmother, parents and two children were killed on U.S. 70 on Friday.
Julia Lawson, 59
Troy Lawson, 31
Troy’s wife Kristy, 28
Their kids; Cameron, 9, and Kerabeth, 7
Terry Lawson, grandfather, 62, is in critical condition at a Lubbock, Texas Hospital.
Their van was registered to an address in Huntsville, Texas.
The driver of the car, Elaina Hita of Clovis, 18, also killed.
Passenger, Luis Navarro of Clovis, 22, last known to be in stable condition at a Lubbock hospital.

Thanks to The Associated Press people can now laugh at the title first and then read the actual article.

PS: this post is a must read

http://taja.dynip.com/taja/ or you can also type taja.org

Once you are connected to the undernet.org server

type this again in the status window /join #Taja

PS, THIS WILL KEEP UPDATING IT SELF, UNTIL I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IT WILL NO LONGER NEED AN UPDATE